Is your digital marketing agency selling you bullshit?

Bullshit reporting

Here are some Analytics screenshots coupled with insights that explain away the red. No need for you to know what these metrics mean.

BBC reporting

Here are detailed, specific reports that highlight successes and explore the red in a way that helps you understand and get closer to your digital goals.

Bullshit KPIs

You won’t believe this! The website got 3M impressions!

BBC KPIs

Organic conversions increased by 30%, which resulted in an additional $40,679 in YOY revenue.

Bullshit sales

You need a new website. I think you need a website. To be honest, you just need a whole new website?

BBC sales

What problems are you trying to solve? How will we know when the problem is solved? What is the most efficient (and inexpensive) path to solving this problem?

Bullshit websites

It’s so pretty. I love the way it scrolls.

BBC websites

It converts. It makes money. It does the heavy lifting and doesn’t break. And it’s pretty.

Bullshit UI/UX

I have a feeling that people don’t like this tagline.

BBC UI/UX

The data shows 40% of traffic drops off after visiting this page. Let’s split test a different placement of the CTA button.

Bullshit accountability

It’s your issue. It’s not our fault. There’s no record of the project requirements but we think we did everything you asked. It’s too complicated to explain to you. We made a mistake but we still have to charge for the fix. Sorry that doesn’t work for you, but we’re going to keep doing things this way.

BBC accountability

Here is what we agreed on. Here is where we succeeded. Here is what we could have done better. Here are some disconnects on which we can share accountability. Here is how we want to make up for our mistakes. Here is how we hope to improve this relationship going forward.

Wait, bullshit websites again

You signed a contract six months ago and we’ve spoken a handful of times. Anyway, here is a completed website. And our invoice.

BBC websites, one more time

Here is the first iteration of the product we are creating to solve your problems. How does this line up with your expectations?

Bullshit digital marketing

We’ll take care of everything. You’ll never hear from us. Just set it and forget it!

BBC digital marketing

We will partner very closely. You will know my cat’s name. We’ll both be smarter and better for our time together.

Bullshit responsiveness

My website is down and my account manager won’t get back to me!

BBC responsiveness 

We always respond ASAP. Just ask our owner Jason Sirotin. In fact, here’s his personal cell: 678-855-5169. Yes, really.

Bullshit strategy

Here’s a pretty pitch deck based on our gut assumptions about your brand. Did you know “project managers” and “executive decision-makers” are your target personas? Pretty hard-hitting stuff there. We only really scanned some high-level industry data, but I spent days picking the perfect stock images and fonts! Hope you absolutely loveee it… because we charge hourly.

BBC strategy

We’ve spent months thinking about your brand. We’ve interviewed every major stakeholder at your organization. We’ve talked to your current clients and your prospects. We’re stalking your competitors. We’ve reviewed all available industry data at length. We’re starting to see your website metrics in our dreams. Here’s a 15-page document full of fact-based insights and recommendations.

Bullshit SEO

We can pretty much guarantee page-one search engine results in less than six months.

BBC SEO

We’ll help the right traffic with the right intent find your website, in a realistic timeframe that considers search engine ranking factors.

Bullshit philosophies

The client is always right. We will abandon our strategy to pursue that thing someone on your team thinks might be a good idea.

BBC philosophies

The data is always right. We will do the most important work to drive the results we set out to accomplish together, and challenge you if you want to do something else.